23 1 / 2013

If there was an “Amen” button, I’d click it. 

11 10 / 2012

07 10 / 2012

Dear Men of New Orleans,

While lube is always nice to have at the ready, please don’t use it as a go-to to get your date wet. Foreplay is preferred, appreciated, and when it’s good, a sure fire way to ensure smooth passage for your penis.

If you find you are consistently reaching for the the bottle of KY (or the CVS store brand as I’ve recently had smothered all over my vagina) consider the following:

1. Am I (actually) turning her on?

2. Do I know what “good” foreplay is? (No it’s not aggressive fingering or awkward single-boob caressing a la Jon Hamm in Bridesmaids)

3. Did she orgasm? Or was it just me

06 10 / 2012

Him: I usually assume she is on birth control or would tell me otherwise. I’m not going to ask if she wants me to put one on. I hate them. Me: Aren’t you worried about STDs? That shit is for real. Him: Nah, I’m good. I was told if it burns, that’s bad. But if it burns AND itches, they cancel each other out.

01 10 / 2012

Gentlemen, please don’t try to titty fuck in the a.m. That move is reserved for late night recklessness. Be thankful that harsh light or harsh breath isn’t reason enough for me to skip out early. And if you absolutely must thrust your penis against my chest you absolutely must ask for permission to do so.